learning from failing

I failed.
Yes, I failed my college entrance exam. That's why I rarely update anymore.
I'm out of word. I thought at least from three options I could have gotten into one university but sadly the reality didn't happen the way I hope it would be. I can't blame nothing. like maybe it was myself who had a problem.
Well, tbh I did learned as hard as I could. There was some time when I didn't feel like study.
But at least, I've put an effort abput it.

 Your succeed followed your effort, they said. So let's just say I was the one who didn't put a bit of more effort.

but you know what's making me feel more horrible?
there are these people, who I shall not mention the names, didn't do anything from the beginning of school, they didn't even that smart, they only started to study when the university entrance exam was getting near. and they didn't even study that hard, neither did they study that smart. But guess what? They got into university easily.

SEE HOW UNFAIR IT IS? I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FAILED BUT SEEING PEOPLE LIKE THAT MAKE ME SICK. I'M DISAPPOINTED WITH ME, ALL AND GOD. F.
I'm so done. world's suck. God's unfair, so now I'm hating.

Long short story, now I'm just wasting my useless free day by fangirling and stuff,
I'm trying to see this shet on the bright side. Need a long time to do that. but here I am, I feel okay now, still pissed off but not like before. Back then, I cried every night of this. now I know how it feels to fall asleep crying.

If you ever failed on something you've worked so damn hard, you'll get what I mean and how I feel.
Even so, I got a learnings from all this:

• Do not put your expectation high, or too high.
  Like seriously, don't, Expectation kills. It really does. yea yea you knew and heard it billion times already, so do I, but admit it, it's hard to do, it is like holding yourself to not eating the popcorn before the movie starts. So don't. ah, same thing with hope. Having hope is okay but too much hope? It will also hurt you. Unless, you're determine to really work your ass up.
  But still, reality's betch. and many times life doesn't go the way we want even tough we've done our best. I'm not suggesting you to be basic because we have no limitation in outlook. What I'm trying to say is let's be real. be realist and prepare for the worst. So either you'll fail or not, you won't get a huge loss. 
• Set your goals that equal with your capability
  As human, we have this greedy side of ours. And sometimes without knowing how good is our capability, we aim for the highest place that may be isn't our time yet or doesn't match our ability. I know I know, it is normal for living creature especially human to want the best of the best of the best. This was my mistake when taking the university entrance exam. I'm not dumb, but I did not study till the very deep of earth core to be accepted by the university I desire. I was just being optimist and ignoring the fact that my capability did not suitable on the choices I chose. I wasn't being realistic. I mean, being optimist is a good thing but we need to consider and double check whether our choices match our caliber or nah.

I think that's it.
So for anyone who failed like me, hang on tight. stand still. you're not alone. keep trying.
I know it's hard to see people around you have achieved their goals but you yourself haven't gotten anything yet. but well, although I'm still pissed off, and literally hate everything, I have to say that there is time for every thing. We have our own time to shine, It could be fast for few people, but it could also be quite slow for some people. but the thing is, even if it's taking too much time or happens too fast for our time to shine. we just need to focus on preparing and fixing ourselves, so when the time comes, we'll be ready and shine brighter than everyone lel.
HHAHA I know, easy said than be done.
I don't even know where this words are coming from, like, seriously, I'm also a wreck and f#cked up. I have lots of dark days. I often believe all the negative shet I said about me. It's sometime difficult to believe all the good things in me, even if I know it was all true. What even worse is, I almost trying to convince myself that I don't deserve to be happy and succeed.
I still think that way tbh, but I have to defeat my demons and make the best of my life.
Since life is toooooo short.
One day you were 15, and just in a blink of an eye you're already 35 like whut. 

So yeah, that's all. bye lol

Music is Heaven of Earth

 Current Mood: a bit sad
 Listening to: Disney Piano Playlist
 Thoughts of the moment: I still want to be a singer.

omg I've always wanted to be a singer. Deep in my heart I'd like to be on stage and singing and perform. I wanted my music to make people happy through me singing. I wanted my music to make them feel they're not alone everytime they were in a difficult situation. I wanna do something big with music. through music. I wanna do magic with it.

Actually, I don't think my voice is that good or something but I guess.. it isn't that bad lha.. listen to me singing on my soundcloud and tell me what do you think. wait no. I don't want to know what you think about my voice so just keep all the likes/dislikes to yourself. You aren't obligated to like me anyway. and what the hell am I saying it's not like there'll be anybody who'd listen to them, pfftahah!

I've been posting two articles in a row this past two days. I'm so bored I'm a pig I don't do anything besides twerking on the internet. Apparently, I only waste my time mostly by sleeping, breathing, eating, drinking, staring at the ceiling, and internet. wait, it's the same thing like what I've always been doing at class lol. I've never said I was a role model student, yes? my grades wasn't a whore tho. I was doing fine at school. I've made lots memories I'd love to repeat it and make more pretty memories.
To all people at my school, I love you by hating you. peace out
Ah, I still feel peculiar every time I remember I don't have to go to school to heat the chair I used to sit with my smexy ass anymore. I find myself very old (when I'm not even twenty yet) at this freakin state my gosh. hahahhaha

Hahahaha wth I was just talking about my dead dream, and then my recent activity, and then school. this post is a complete non-sense. yup. Idc. I'm the goddess here, I'll do whatever my ass want. I'm so awesome urgh can't.

Ah, I forgot this dream I wanted to tell you guys. Here's the story.
I dreamed that I failed my SAT. -kill self- I'm scared that it'll come true.
Please dear Lord, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Father God, and all Holy things I beg you to help me pass the test. Just this one time. Please cooperate with me. Please make things happen the way I need it to happen.
Please make me pass the SAT. I beg Thou my beautiful Lord. -sobs sobs-
I have no freakin idea what the heck should I do if that disaster is seriously happe.... NO. cAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. JUST.. LET'S NOT.
Pray for me please I need you to pray for me to pass the SAT.
Come, let us have a moment of silence to pray for my result of SAT. SERIOUSLy guys, this shet is deadly important for my life. no joke.

I wish I'll be doing fine. I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL NEVER WASTE ANY SECOND TO SERIOUSLY STUDY AND REST PROPERLY IF I GET INTO UNIVERSTY THROUGH SBMPTN. I really hope I'll succeed. I know everyone wants that. So no, I don't hope. I have to. I have to succeed in order to give my family a better living than this. I want to travel the world in a fancy way with family and give a helping hand to the needy.
Lol that doesnt sound like me uh, if you know me.. you'd never expect to ever hear such a thing from my mouth.
because MEH I'M CRAZY YAY HAHHAHA