HAPPY 2K16!

OMFG HELLO DEAD PEOPLE!
ALTHO NOW DATE IS JAN 17TH, IT'S STILL NEW YEAR AMIRITE?
CAN YOU SMELL THE REFRESHED SOULS TO WALK ON 2K16? NO?

ok.

I miss blogging very muchchchchchch, 

I know I don't really write and when I do, I write nonsense-unimportant-brutal shiet.
To be honest, this year will be my five years on Blogger. And. I Still. Didn't. Achieve. Anything.
/dead audiences gives a slow claps Thank you.. Thank you all.
I mean I've tried to make blogging as an allowance but.. LOL 
My brain has been on Hibernate Mode for a long time I can't come out with any Idea, like, seriously.
I think the last time I'm using my brain was when...ugh...wait.. I don't even remember lol
I have serious problem, don't I 

Oh yeah just like an annual routine, I've made my 2K16 Resolution!
Wait. no. I've never made any resolution before, so, this is more like my premiere annual routine lol
yup. I have been living a chaotic life. damn. wow. omfg. my life's a mess

Apparently, 2K15 wasn't really my year. I had so many failures in 2K15.
I prefer to not talk about it, but just like what them successful people always say:

“failure is better teacher than success."

Because to be fugdin' honest, I'm a person who's hard to motivate.
No. it is not because I watch too much porn. No. it is also not because I fap a lot.
It is because, I have low self-esteem, I used to like to compare me and my life with them who have a good easy life.
Pretty face, Awesome talents. Sociable personality. Born with gold spoon on their mouth.
wOW, man.. like, are you even a human? do you ever heard about despair? failures? disappointment? I mean you have it all, and I know you must have your own darkest time but..

Is have-it-all people's despair same as so-so people's?
Like your life is complete, what kind of things that could ever makes you sad? lol

I'm not that kind of a person anymore, Although, I still feel a bit like that,
So now I'm teaching myself to not just see something only from my POV.
Try to see anything from various perception/perspective, there are so many chances and possibilities. And not all failures, failures. Maybe it's just a stepping stone, Maybe it's just a way of God to prepare me to something big.
So even if it's hard to get on my knee after falling hard and ugly, I have to stay determined (cr: Undertale)

One thing I learned about all successful people. they have two commons in general:

• Life f#cked them hard and made them fell into the a very bottomless pit in their life. But..
• They saw it as an opportunity to learn how to fly in their own very way when they're about to hit the bottomless pit. In simple word, they didn't give up. They THOUGHT about giving up, but they didn't and because of that the Giant on their subconscious mind awaken. THAT's why they are where they are now.

Therefore, you and I have to keep it in mind that. maybe when we feel like we have no other chances/choices, and life's nothing but more like an awful scary nightmare.. it's because we are about to go spectacular. All we have to do is the same as them, successful people: get the hell up. don't give up. No need to try hard, try smart.
Eventually, we'll wake our Giant inside us and becoming that person we've always been dreaming of. Because the best version of you that you could think of, is actually the real you.
I hope. together, we can pass this beautiful year, everyday. with positivity that this year is gonna be our year. no matter what. 

learning from failing

I failed.
Yes, I failed my college entrance exam. That's why I rarely update anymore.
I'm out of word. I thought at least from three options I could have gotten into one university but sadly the reality didn't happen the way I hope it would be. I can't blame nothing. like maybe it was myself who had a problem.
Well, tbh I did learned as hard as I could. There was some time when I didn't feel like study.
But at least, I've put an effort abput it.

 Your succeed followed your effort, they said. So let's just say I was the one who didn't put a bit of more effort.

but you know what's making me feel more horrible?
there are these people, who I shall not mention the names, didn't do anything from the beginning of school, they didn't even that smart, they only started to study when the university entrance exam was getting near. and they didn't even study that hard, neither did they study that smart. But guess what? They got into university easily.

SEE HOW UNFAIR IT IS? I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FAILED BUT SEEING PEOPLE LIKE THAT MAKE ME SICK. I'M DISAPPOINTED WITH ME, ALL AND GOD. F.
I'm so done. world's suck. God's unfair, so now I'm hating.

Long short story, now I'm just wasting my useless free day by fangirling and stuff,
I'm trying to see this shet on the bright side. Need a long time to do that. but here I am, I feel okay now, still pissed off but not like before. Back then, I cried every night of this. now I know how it feels to fall asleep crying.

If you ever failed on something you've worked so damn hard, you'll get what I mean and how I feel.
Even so, I got a learnings from all this:

• Do not put your expectation high, or too high.
  Like seriously, don't, Expectation kills. It really does. yea yea you knew and heard it billion times already, so do I, but admit it, it's hard to do, it is like holding yourself to not eating the popcorn before the movie starts. So don't. ah, same thing with hope. Having hope is okay but too much hope? It will also hurt you. Unless, you're determine to really work your ass up.
  But still, reality's betch. and many times life doesn't go the way we want even tough we've done our best. I'm not suggesting you to be basic because we have no limitation in outlook. What I'm trying to say is let's be real. be realist and prepare for the worst. So either you'll fail or not, you won't get a huge loss. 
• Set your goals that equal with your capability
  As human, we have this greedy side of ours. And sometimes without knowing how good is our capability, we aim for the highest place that may be isn't our time yet or doesn't match our ability. I know I know, it is normal for living creature especially human to want the best of the best of the best. This was my mistake when taking the university entrance exam. I'm not dumb, but I did not study till the very deep of earth core to be accepted by the university I desire. I was just being optimist and ignoring the fact that my capability did not suitable on the choices I chose. I wasn't being realistic. I mean, being optimist is a good thing but we need to consider and double check whether our choices match our caliber or nah.

I think that's it.
So for anyone who failed like me, hang on tight. stand still. you're not alone. keep trying.
I know it's hard to see people around you have achieved their goals but you yourself haven't gotten anything yet. but well, although I'm still pissed off, and literally hate everything, I have to say that there is time for every thing. We have our own time to shine, It could be fast for few people, but it could also be quite slow for some people. but the thing is, even if it's taking too much time or happens too fast for our time to shine. we just need to focus on preparing and fixing ourselves, so when the time comes, we'll be ready and shine brighter than everyone lel.
HHAHA I know, easy said than be done.
I don't even know where this words are coming from, like, seriously, I'm also a wreck and f#cked up. I have lots of dark days. I often believe all the negative shet I said about me. It's sometime difficult to believe all the good things in me, even if I know it was all true. What even worse is, I almost trying to convince myself that I don't deserve to be happy and succeed.
I still think that way tbh, but I have to defeat my demons and make the best of my life.
Since life is toooooo short.
One day you were 15, and just in a blink of an eye you're already 35 like whut. 

So yeah, that's all. bye lol