HAPPY 2K16!

OMFG HELLO DEAD PEOPLE!
ALTHO NOW DATE IS JAN 17TH, IT'S STILL NEW YEAR AMIRITE?
CAN YOU SMELL THE REFRESHED SOULS TO WALK ON 2K16? NO?

ok.

I miss blogging very muchchchchchch, 

I know I don't really write and when I do, I write nonsense-unimportant-brutal shiet.
To be honest, this year will be my five years on Blogger. And. I Still. Didn't. Achieve. Anything.
/dead audiences gives a slow claps Thank you.. Thank you all.
I mean I've tried to make blogging as an allowance but.. LOL 
My brain has been on Hibernate Mode for a long time I can't come out with any Idea, like, seriously.
I think the last time I'm using my brain was when...ugh...wait.. I don't even remember lol
I have serious problem, don't I 

Oh yeah just like an annual routine, I've made my 2K16 Resolution!
Wait. no. I've never made any resolution before, so, this is more like my premiere annual routine lol
yup. I have been living a chaotic life. damn. wow. omfg. my life's a mess

Apparently, 2K15 wasn't really my year. I had so many failures in 2K15.
I prefer to not talk about it, but just like what them successful people always say:

“failure is better teacher than success."

Because to be fugdin' honest, I'm a person who's hard to motivate.
No. it is not because I watch too much porn. No. it is also not because I fap a lot.
It is because, I have low self-esteem, I used to like to compare me and my life with them who have a good easy life.
Pretty face, Awesome talents. Sociable personality. Born with gold spoon on their mouth.
wOW, man.. like, are you even a human? do you ever heard about despair? failures? disappointment? I mean you have it all, and I know you must have your own darkest time but..

Is have-it-all people's despair same as so-so people's?
Like your life is complete, what kind of things that could ever makes you sad? lol

I'm not that kind of a person anymore, Although, I still feel a bit like that,
So now I'm teaching myself to not just see something only from my POV.
Try to see anything from various perception/perspective, there are so many chances and possibilities. And not all failures, failures. Maybe it's just a stepping stone, Maybe it's just a way of God to prepare me to something big.
So even if it's hard to get on my knee after falling hard and ugly, I have to stay determined (cr: Undertale)

One thing I learned about all successful people. they have two commons in general:

• Life f#cked them hard and made them fell into the a very bottomless pit in their life. But..
• They saw it as an opportunity to learn how to fly in their own very way when they're about to hit the bottomless pit. In simple word, they didn't give up. They THOUGHT about giving up, but they didn't and because of that the Giant on their subconscious mind awaken. THAT's why they are where they are now.

Therefore, you and I have to keep it in mind that. maybe when we feel like we have no other chances/choices, and life's nothing but more like an awful scary nightmare.. it's because we are about to go spectacular. All we have to do is the same as them, successful people: get the hell up. don't give up. No need to try hard, try smart.
Eventually, we'll wake our Giant inside us and becoming that person we've always been dreaming of. Because the best version of you that you could think of, is actually the real you.
I hope. together, we can pass this beautiful year, everyday. with positivity that this year is gonna be our year. no matter what. 

learning from failing

I failed.
Yes, I failed my college entrance exam. That's why I rarely update anymore.
I'm out of word. I thought at least from three options I could have gotten into one university but sadly the reality didn't happen the way I hope it would be. I can't blame nothing. like maybe it was myself who had a problem.
Well, tbh I did learned as hard as I could. There was some time when I didn't feel like study.
But at least, I've put an effort abput it.

 Your succeed followed your effort, they said. So let's just say I was the one who didn't put a bit of more effort.

but you know what's making me feel more horrible?
there are these people, who I shall not mention the names, didn't do anything from the beginning of school, they didn't even that smart, they only started to study when the university entrance exam was getting near. and they didn't even study that hard, neither did they study that smart. But guess what? They got into university easily.

SEE HOW UNFAIR IT IS? I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FAILED BUT SEEING PEOPLE LIKE THAT MAKE ME SICK. I'M DISAPPOINTED WITH ME, ALL AND GOD. F.
I'm so done. world's suck. God's unfair, so now I'm hating.

Long short story, now I'm just wasting my useless free day by fangirling and stuff,
I'm trying to see this shet on the bright side. Need a long time to do that. but here I am, I feel okay now, still pissed off but not like before. Back then, I cried every night of this. now I know how it feels to fall asleep crying.

If you ever failed on something you've worked so damn hard, you'll get what I mean and how I feel.
Even so, I got a learnings from all this:

• Do not put your expectation high, or too high.
  Like seriously, don't, Expectation kills. It really does. yea yea you knew and heard it billion times already, so do I, but admit it, it's hard to do, it is like holding yourself to not eating the popcorn before the movie starts. So don't. ah, same thing with hope. Having hope is okay but too much hope? It will also hurt you. Unless, you're determine to really work your ass up.
  But still, reality's betch. and many times life doesn't go the way we want even tough we've done our best. I'm not suggesting you to be basic because we have no limitation in outlook. What I'm trying to say is let's be real. be realist and prepare for the worst. So either you'll fail or not, you won't get a huge loss. 
• Set your goals that equal with your capability
  As human, we have this greedy side of ours. And sometimes without knowing how good is our capability, we aim for the highest place that may be isn't our time yet or doesn't match our ability. I know I know, it is normal for living creature especially human to want the best of the best of the best. This was my mistake when taking the university entrance exam. I'm not dumb, but I did not study till the very deep of earth core to be accepted by the university I desire. I was just being optimist and ignoring the fact that my capability did not suitable on the choices I chose. I wasn't being realistic. I mean, being optimist is a good thing but we need to consider and double check whether our choices match our caliber or nah.

I think that's it.
So for anyone who failed like me, hang on tight. stand still. you're not alone. keep trying.
I know it's hard to see people around you have achieved their goals but you yourself haven't gotten anything yet. but well, although I'm still pissed off, and literally hate everything, I have to say that there is time for every thing. We have our own time to shine, It could be fast for few people, but it could also be quite slow for some people. but the thing is, even if it's taking too much time or happens too fast for our time to shine. we just need to focus on preparing and fixing ourselves, so when the time comes, we'll be ready and shine brighter than everyone lel.
HHAHA I know, easy said than be done.
I don't even know where this words are coming from, like, seriously, I'm also a wreck and f#cked up. I have lots of dark days. I often believe all the negative shet I said about me. It's sometime difficult to believe all the good things in me, even if I know it was all true. What even worse is, I almost trying to convince myself that I don't deserve to be happy and succeed.
I still think that way tbh, but I have to defeat my demons and make the best of my life.
Since life is toooooo short.
One day you were 15, and just in a blink of an eye you're already 35 like whut. 

So yeah, that's all. bye lol

Music is Heaven of Earth

 Current Mood: a bit sad
 Listening to: Disney Piano Playlist
 Thoughts of the moment: I still want to be a singer.

omg I've always wanted to be a singer. Deep in my heart I'd like to be on stage and singing and perform. I wanted my music to make people happy through me singing. I wanted my music to make them feel they're not alone everytime they were in a difficult situation. I wanna do something big with music. through music. I wanna do magic with it.

Actually, I don't think my voice is that good or something but I guess.. it isn't that bad lha.. listen to me singing on my soundcloud and tell me what do you think. wait no. I don't want to know what you think about my voice so just keep all the likes/dislikes to yourself. You aren't obligated to like me anyway. and what the hell am I saying it's not like there'll be anybody who'd listen to them, pfftahah!

I've been posting two articles in a row this past two days. I'm so bored I'm a pig I don't do anything besides twerking on the internet. Apparently, I only waste my time mostly by sleeping, breathing, eating, drinking, staring at the ceiling, and internet. wait, it's the same thing like what I've always been doing at class lol. I've never said I was a role model student, yes? my grades wasn't a whore tho. I was doing fine at school. I've made lots memories I'd love to repeat it and make more pretty memories.
To all people at my school, I love you by hating you. peace out
Ah, I still feel peculiar every time I remember I don't have to go to school to heat the chair I used to sit with my smexy ass anymore. I find myself very old (when I'm not even twenty yet) at this freakin state my gosh. hahahhaha

Hahahaha wth I was just talking about my dead dream, and then my recent activity, and then school. this post is a complete non-sense. yup. Idc. I'm the goddess here, I'll do whatever my ass want. I'm so awesome urgh can't.

Ah, I forgot this dream I wanted to tell you guys. Here's the story.
I dreamed that I failed my SAT. -kill self- I'm scared that it'll come true.
Please dear Lord, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Father God, and all Holy things I beg you to help me pass the test. Just this one time. Please cooperate with me. Please make things happen the way I need it to happen.
Please make me pass the SAT. I beg Thou my beautiful Lord. -sobs sobs-
I have no freakin idea what the heck should I do if that disaster is seriously happe.... NO. cAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. JUST.. LET'S NOT.
Pray for me please I need you to pray for me to pass the SAT.
Come, let us have a moment of silence to pray for my result of SAT. SERIOUSLy guys, this shet is deadly important for my life. no joke.

I wish I'll be doing fine. I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL NEVER WASTE ANY SECOND TO SERIOUSLY STUDY AND REST PROPERLY IF I GET INTO UNIVERSTY THROUGH SBMPTN. I really hope I'll succeed. I know everyone wants that. So no, I don't hope. I have to. I have to succeed in order to give my family a better living than this. I want to travel the world in a fancy way with family and give a helping hand to the needy.
Lol that doesnt sound like me uh, if you know me.. you'd never expect to ever hear such a thing from my mouth.
because MEH I'M CRAZY YAY HAHHAHA

Sausade

 Current Mood: Neutral
 Listening to: Family of the Year - Hero
 Thought of the moment: EFF-ING A LOT.

Hi, I feel like blogging but honestly I have no idea what to write so excuse whatever things I'm gonna say here. Because what I'll say is just gonna be random as eff.

Oh have you guys heard about "sausade"?
It's a word from Portuguese and Galician that has no direct translation in English. But you can say that it is a word to describe a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent of something or someone that one loves.  All credits goes to Wikipedia lol.

nope.
I'm not feeling sausade at all.
I was just thinking that it sounds cool so HAHAHA.

see I told you this is gonna be random, don't tell me I didn't warn you earlier.. But since you're here and already read the whole bullseye, shall we just go random together? we shall. no. We must. I demand it. I'm the one who have all power in this little website of billion website on the internet, so because you're already here, you must do what I demand you to do, which is : keep reading, leave a comment and please follow my blog. HAHAHA no, seriously.. My blog is like a cemetery.
 -sudden awkward silence-

Ah, I've written that I used to have another blog, haven't I?
SO, I decided to go back on my previous blog and read the whole thing, that.. I won't tell you guys because eff.
Trust me, this is for your own good sake.
I can't believe I was once an innocent-annoying-too-honest-little-shet. Fyi,I started to blog since 2009, I guess.. I can't actually remember but I think it was around that year. That means, I've been on blogger since I was 12 y.o. kid. Can't you imagine what kind of stupid shet I wrote back then?
My gosh. HAHAHAHA

TOO FUNNY YET DISGUSTING I CAN'T EVEN HAHAHAHAHA
I still can't believe I ever wrote about stuff and stuff like that ew. I was gross.
No I didn't mean porn but my love life which was kinda shitty and so... urgh. I can't.
I don't know whether I was just too naive or too stupid as a kid.
Thank god now I'm growing up a bit. ok.. a lot. um... a bit? IDK HAHA

Life's confusing but there's no other way than living it and have fun even on any shitty condition right. Easier said than be done. but let us do our best since we're only given one chance to live the life we live right now.  so, why don't we make it as best as possible, no?
We never know when the death is coming to get us. It's probably just about five meters behind you right now, who knows lel
Until then, let's living life we received as awesome as eff 

I'm bored

 now playing: SoKo - We Might Dead Tomorrow

aye people whaddup
so I was just wondering and I've been thinking that, for almost 18 years of my life.. I'm staying single. OK WHATEVER HAHA THAT WASN'T WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT. Let's just pretend I've never said that. and You've never read that line..

I'm so bored people, I'm so bored I could eat the whole elephant.. ok maybe I'm just hungry..
oh god at this moment I can't even differentiate whether I'm just hungry or totally bored.

I wish I were somebody else,
 no, it isn't like being me sucks. ok maybe it is. but whatever I don't care anyway.
I just wish I can go traveling and meet new people, real new people, not just a new people I met then turns out they're just like the people I already know.
I wanna go to a foreign land, that I've never known exist. um.. ok that is too much but for real, dude I'd like to do that. Someday I'll do it heck yeah,
I want travelling and fall in love and then die happily :) LOL
I just wish my life will be soon colorful since I'm going out of town.
I wish I'll do something great in future,
I wish I'll find that right person and
I wish I can be an awesome mother for my kids.
OK wtf what am I typing how could I even have kids when I am afraid of gettin' married LMAO.
not cool at all ika, not cool.  ah this thing from my past, whatever, I'll get over it by the way.

I wanna do something fun, like doing a charity or something like playing around with the orphans and make them laugh and forget about the sorrow for a moment.
OR MAYBE I COULD JUST FALL IN LOVE AND BE HAPPY HAHA

but no life's cruel, it wont be easy for all of us.

But that's the thing about life I guess..
   It won't get easy, but it is surely worth the prize we'll get when we're not giving up.
There is always a warm sunny day after a cold heavy storm.
all we need to do is  maybe just hang in there and try and failed and try and failed and try and failed and try until life gets bored seeing us failing and rewards us something more than we thought we deserve.
and I know you've been trying so hard and you are now tired but sometimes all you have to do is just get up and stay strong, because duh, we are stronger than we think we are, don't ever let anyone or anything or any situation tell us any different.
Just keep hang in there, life will get you and I to the right place as long as we hold on to Him.

...wtf where da hell did I get this wisdom
I'm so cool omg I can actually say such thing
darn it, I'll definitely marry myself if I could. LOL no, joke, I'm not that self-lover of a person.
Me is just being positive. lmao whatever this nonsense should stop here.

school? how about no.

...seriously, it is a real crap.

I can not explain to you guys of how big is my desire to get a drop out from high school with a legal certification, called: ijazah.
I just wanna get out of school faster. I'm tired with school. I hate people at school, well ya know, unless they're my pals.
...OKE, ancur bat grammar gue kayanya gagal dah pake english lol orz.

pokoke diriku, for this moment, hating the school very much.
gue bosen dengan suasana kaya gini, bosen dengan situasi kaya gitu.
gue bosen dengan pemikiran sempit anak-anak di sekolah.
gue muak dengan pemikiran stereotip mereka.
gue muak dengan keangkuhan anak-anak eksis yang, dengan jual tampang doang, ngerasa bisa seenaknya dalam fasilitas publik. 

gue mau cepet-cepet ngelalui UN, cepet-cepet masa nungguin klarifikasi SNMPTN, dan cepet-cepet ngelewatin SBMPTN (kalo perlu). hell na,
i'm like.. i'm still 17 y.o.and duh, it's not like i have a clear sight or thought about how I'm gonna live my life for the future. I don't even know what I should eat the next morning.
gue heran kenapa, setiap insan harus melewati fase-fase kaya gini, pantesan jaman dulu banyak bat dah yang suicide menjelang UN, gile aje..
lo bangun pagi-pagi, dan manasin kursi disekolah dengan pantat lo dan dengan terpaksa, lalu berusaha memproses ke otak segala apa yang diomongin guru, walaupun sumpah.. guru itu gabut dan gajelas, selama 12 TAHUN.
dan kemudian, segalanya itu cuma ditentukan oleh 3 hari dengan 6 mapel pelajaran yang diujiankan.

bunuh aja gue sekarang.

sistem indonesia gabisa lebih buruk lagi ya?
coba deh, kenapa kita para siswa ga disuruh bikin jurnal penelitian yang harus dibuktikan secara fakta yang kalo di kuliah dibilangnya skripsi? tapi dengan kadar yang jelas bisa dipenuhi anak SMA lah.,.

ah gatau lah hahahaha--ha.. -tibatiba nangis-
intinya gue udah sampai ke titik dimana gue muak banget jadi anak sekolahan.
oke fix, kawin ajalah -larilari ke apekapek singapur- /salah lol

ps: harusnya besok gue UH Sejarah, tapi gue stalling time. like um, how about no.

abis ini tidur sajalah HAHAHAHA screw the test I choose to sleep.